urgent, urgent, emergency! (6/30/05)

http://www.wheredidthetimego.com/

I am 100% sloth. But that’s not that surprising.

+=============================+
According to a news source, I have become fodder for the paparazzi in Greece. Reportedly the Greek media has picked up (via Google) a dedication in my email (via blogger.com: http://girlladyfriend.blogspot.com) to George Costacos (my friend who was in the opening ceremony of the Athens Olympics). The NY office for Costacos has been flooded by calls about me and my friendship with George; however, we have tastefully declined comment.

+=============================+
THE HORROR IN THE GARAGE: PART 2

I went home to Jacksonville last Friday. I thought it was going to be an easy visit, just hanging out with the folks, getting some errands done, but otherwise nothing too bad. But then Saturday morning, my father looked at me and said eagerly, “So, let’s go clean the garage!” I thought he was joking. But he wasn’t. He was serious. I think my family thinks my sole purpose in life is cleaning the damn garage. So, given no choice, I went back to the garage.

Well, last time we were there, the attic was cleaned out BY ME and a lot of the junk in the garage was cleaned out BY ME. Well, this time, my father and I went through the smaller boxes of stuff I was too tired to go through last time. And it was with good cause that I didn’t go through these boxes, because unbeknownst to me, my parents saved every receipt, statement, cancelled check, tax return INCLUDING forms, from 1972 to today. I am not kidding. There was a 1974 Ohio state tax form booklet in one of the boxes. There was a grocery receipt from 1980 that showed a purchase of a dozen extra large eggs, $0.79. And carbon copies of gas station receipts. Cancelled checks which paid rent in the Henry Hudson Hotel, which back in the early 70s was subsidized hospital housing (today, it is http://www.hudsonhotel.com/ *). YEARS OF LITTLE PIECES OF PAPER STASHED AWAY INSIDE PAPER BAGS INSIDE A LARGER BOX.

And because they had credit card numbers and signatures on them, we had to shred each and every statement, etc. by hand. Yes, my parents do own a shredder, but we tried using that and after an hour of consistent shredding, it turned itself off due to overheating. The shredder came back to life after it cooled down, but we had to forge on with the hand shredding.

This shredding went on for two days. We only got from 1972-1980. I know when I go back to FL, 1980-today is waiting. So frightening. The horror, the horror….


* Now I hate this hotel because it used to be all low income housing until the hotel owners bought the property. They kicked out almost all of the tenants and kept a small portion of the hotel as low income housing – not only due to pressures from the tenants but also because they get a nice chunk of change back from the city for keeping the low income housing. And of course, the low income housing tenants have a separate entrance from the hotel).

+=============================+
When I was in Jacksonville, I ran into someone at the Jacksonville International (HA) airport. It was James Joyner, whom I went to school with from 2nd grade (or was it first?) through 12th grade. First of all I never run into anyone I know at the airport. Never happens. Especially in Jacksonville. I keep on the lookout, just in case there is someone I don’t want to speak to. Anyway, I was walking off the jetway and there was James, who I was actually happy to see. So, for those in Jax who are looking for a pediatrician, he is opening his own practice in Arlington.

+=============================+
This week’s horoscopes go out to:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX!
The Marthas
My brother Mike
Can’t wait to see you, Annie, Dabney, Jen Brown, and the rest of the gang in green, green Vermont!

+=============================+
Checkout your weekly Rob Brezsny horoscope at www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html

Free Will Astrology
Horoscopes for week of June 30, 2005
By Rob Brezsny
© 1995-2004, Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved.

"Anti-Michelle"

_40652024_thewriter203300_pa
Originally uploaded by ilovermont.

My sister in law once called my apartment the museum of tiny things. It's true -- I have an obsession with tiny things. So, pal Steven sent me this, calling it the Anti Michelle. I do have to agree.


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/4117974.stm

Jesus feet

Jesus feet
Originally uploaded by ilovermont.

these shoes will leave an imprint on the sands of time.... and in poo as well!

www.shoesofthefisherman.com/

moldy isn't always good

From Real Simple magazine's article, "Surprising Expiration Dates
A handy, who-knew guide for 77 foods, beauty products, and household goods"

I just recently threw out a jar of pickled beets that I can't remember when I last used. It definitely wasn't this year or last....

http://www.realsimple.com/realsimple/content/print/0,22304,676079,00.html#

itchy eyelids (6-22-05)

I don’t know what my bosses are thinking. They are actually making me work today. That is just so wrong.

+========================+
RE: SUMMER

Yesterday ( June 21, 2005) was the first day of summer. Mine was good – how was yours?

+========================+
RE: THONG PANTS

Addendum: Humans can send other humans, monkeys and dogs to the moon AND engineer pants to lift and separate, but somehow we can’t design underwear that doesn’t ride up or cause wedgies. Why is that?

+========================+
RE: AGE:

I was recently told that I am the same age as when Jesus died.

+========================+
RE: THINGS YOU NEED TO BUY RIGHT NOW

My friends Annie and Dabney are selling their wares at the Renegade craft fair this weekend in New York. I am not sure where their booth will be, but check them out!

Howdy friends -
At long last, we are headed down to Brooklyn for the RENEGADE craft fair this weekend! If you (or any of your friends or family) are going to be in New York this weekend, please come visit us at:
McCarren Park
on June 25th and 26th
in Brooklyn, NY
10:30am - 5:00pm
Booth 79

www.renegadecraft.com
The park is located right down the street from the Williamsburg Bridge on Bedford Avenue. By train it is a couple of blocks away from the Bedford Avenue stop on the L train, and the Nassau Avenue stop on the G train.
At some point this week, we hope to post a preview of our inventory on the blog, so please check in if you are interested. We’ve already had a lot of requests for certain items, so please know that we hope to start selling to friends and family after the fair - if we have anything left ;)
Thanks for all the encouragement and support!
- Dabney & Ann
http://superette.blogspot.com

+========================+
Check out this and more at http://girlladyfriend.blogspot.com

+========================+
This week’s horoscopes go out to:

Bob and Russell
Alex and Marcie
The Marthas
Good Luck, Annie and Dabney!

+========================+
Check out your weekly horoscope at www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html

Free Will Astrology
Horoscopes for week of June 23, 2005
By Rob Brezsny
© 1995-2004, Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved.

curly head

curly head
Originally uploaded by ilovermont.

Ok -- I got this from a Korean website (thanks Sun Ae!) which showed lots of pictures of guys and their personal hairstyles. This guy really likes his perm. It took him a while to grow it long enough to make this statement. What a statement!

spondulicks! spondulicks! spondulicks! (6/16/05)

BE FOREWARN; BE FOUR ARMED:
THONG PANTS. YES, THEY ARE OUT THERE, WAITING TO LIFT AND SEPARATE YOU!

I have known for a while that there is new technology in pants today. Lycra definitely opened the door to pants technology - allowing the user to stretch and move while still looking good. Today, pants technology has surpassed all of our expectations and now can define your butt. Yes, it’s true. Don’t waste your time doing squats and lunges in the gym - just put on some mechanically engineered jeans that will lift and create a butt that you technically don’t have! Of course, these jeans costs over $150, but what’s a little cash for a cheap butt lift?

However, I am not sure if everyone knows that there are pants available now that act as a thong. I am not talking about those loose cotton pajama like pants that crawl up everyone’s ass as they walk (sit, lie down, roll over) - I am talking about dress pants and jeans that are meant to be worn in public. They not only lift and define the butt, but they also divide and conquer. I know what you are thinking - couldn’t it be a short inseam? No. There are short inseams and then there are pants that were made to purposely lift, divide AND separate.

Now I really know what you are thinking—Michelle, are you staring at people’s butts as you walk to work?

And the answer is simply Yes - I am looking at your ass. It’s hard to not to stare. Especially if you notice that a person’s clean cut chinos are creating a continental divide.

It’s not only a divider but an equalizer; there are thong pants out there for men as well. I have seen it and nine times out of ten it is not a pretty sight.

+==================+
FROM MY BRILLIANT FRIEND, CAITLYN IN DC:

“you know, having sampled a variety of bathrooms in the capitol, I’ve noticed that the crappy toilet paper (i.e. the tissue paper dispenser kind) can only be found around the press gallery. hmmm, Congress does get the last laugh!”

AND

“P.S. I also learned that the men’s bathroom near the house chambers is called the Fonzie and is where all the deals take place. (It’s an homage to Fonzie’s bathroom office in Al’s, but I don’t think there’s a congressman that can hit a jukebox and make it start.”

+==================+
From Delta Airlines weekly email:

DOMESTIC FARE SPECIALS*
*Additional taxes/fees/restrictions apply. Fares shown are available only for purchase on delta.com of from a travel agent.
New York-LaGuardia, NY (LGA) to:
-- Newark, NJ (EWR) - $138

Now, why in the world would you want to fly from LaGuardia to Newark, New Jersey, which is approx. 26 miles difference from each other.

+==================+
Get this and more at http://girlladyfriend.blogspot.com

+==================+
This week’s horoscopes go out to:

Happy Belated Birthday, Martha!
Congratulations on the journal publication, Ertischek! http://www.eblue.org/scripts/om.dll/serve?action=searchDB&searchDBfor=art&artType=abs&id=as0190962205004408&nav=abs
Thanks Saumya!
Howdy Sunita and Audrey!

+==================+
Check out your weekly horoscope at www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html
Free Will Astrology
Horoscopes for week of June 16, 2005
By Rob Brezsny
© 1995-2004, Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved.

batmen

batmen
Originally uploaded by ilovermont.

There really isn't more I can add to this. Really.

That isn't right (6/8/05)

ADVERTISEMENT #1:

My friends Annie and Dabney are selling their wares ;) at the Renegade Craft Fair in Brooklyn on Saturday + Sunday, June 25 + 26 from 10:30 AM - 5:00 PM, in McCarren Park which is located at N. 12th St and Bedford Ave.

For more information on Annie and Dabney crafts: http://superette.blogspot.com

For more information on the Renegade Craft Fair: http://www.renegadecraft.com/brooklyn/index.html

+=================+
ADVERTISEMENT #2:

This is the cutest commercial.

http://www.boardsmag.com/screeningroom/commercials/1732/

+=================+
ADVERTISEMENT #3:

The McDLT. http://www.retrojunk.com/media/114/

Really, nothing more needs to be said.

+=================+
Check this out and more at: http://girlladyfriend.blogspot.com

+=================+
This week’s horoscopes go out to:

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY AWESOME BROTHER, MIKE
Lynn
Steven
Dave, Shima, Mike, Paul
Belated congratulations to Nichole and her hubby, Peter

+=================+
Check out your horoscope at www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html

Free Will Astrology
Horoscopes for week of June 9, 2005
By Rob Brezsny
© 1995-2004, Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved.

feidler

feidler
Originally uploaded by ilovermont.

Annie and Dabney's dog, Feidler -- he owns my heart. Even with that hair.

oh so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad (6/6/05)

Yes, I forgot to send out the horoscopes last week. Oops.

=======================
And to all of you who keep asking me where the winners are for the haikus, well, I refer you to the statement above, removing the words “horoscopes last week” and replacing them with “the entries to the judges and you will just have to hold your horses.”

=======================
Free Will Astrology
Horoscopes for week of June 2, 2005
By Rob Brezsny
© 1995-2004, Rob Brezsny. All rights reserved.http://www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html