> Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 10:39:37 -0500
> From: "PARK, MICHELLE"
>
> Hey - my head has stopped spinning! No more
> vertigo/inner ear imbalance! Thanks to all for you
> support :-)
>
>
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> I was always a Hellman's (or Best, depending on
> which part of the US you are from) mayonnaise
> person. Your basic mayonnaise - nothing fancy, rich
> tasting, and a very white food. Loved it with
> sandwiches, especially bologna. Fantastic in an egg
> salad. Perfect in tuna. You get the drift. So, I
> was a very loyal Hellman's shopper. And I hated
> Miracle Whip. Thought it was just nasty. Weird
> tangy chemical aftertaste. Freaked me out the first
> time I had it. I think I spit the food out because
> it tasted like it was past its expiration date - but
> nope, turned out it was Miracle Whip.
>
> But things change. People get older, tastes mature.
> And then you have Thanksgiving and all of this
> leftover turkey and these tiny dinner rolls (you
> know the ones, the enriched flour rolls made with
> butter and tons of preservatives?) and a jar of
> Miracle Whip. So you try it. And you fall head
> over heels in love with Miracle Whip.
>
> So, now, I am a convert. I can't believe I like a
> product that has registered trademarked the phrase
> "Tangy Zip." Did you know that Mayonnaise adds 11
> grams of fat and 0% Tangy Zip® and Miracle Whip®
> adds 4 grams of fat and 100% Tangy Zip®?
>
> And not only is Miracle Whip® a great "salad
> dressing" (per the label) it also has other uses:
>
> You can make a Miracle Whip Cake!:
>
http://www.vtliving.com/recipes/desserts/miraclewhipcake.shtml
>
> From http://www.chefnoah.com/tips/miracle_whip.htm
> Personally, you can do this with mayonnaise as well,
> but I think it is funny that this guy is using
> MIRACLE WHIP for this stuff. He must be using
> gallon jugs of Miracle Whip. [Of course, what is
> not funny is that this guy's web site offers
> information for disaster and emergency preparedness
> - including bulk food storage and cooking, and
> general information about chemical warfare. EEK -
> can I find them or what?]
>
> Condition your hair.
> Apply one-half cup Miracle Whip to dry hair once a
> week as a conditioner. Leave on for thirty minutes,
> then rinse a few times before shampooing thoroughly.
>
> Remove a ring stuck on a finger.
> Smear on some Miracle Whip and slide the ring off.
>
> Give yourself a facial and tighten pores.
> Miracle Whip helps moisten dry skin when applied as
> a face mask. Wait twenty minutes, then wash it off
> with warm water followed by cold water. (Michelle's
> note: EUW)
>
> Remove white rings and spots from wood furniture.
> Wipe on Miracle Whip, let stand for an hour, wipe
> off, and polish the furniture.
>
> Remove tar.
> Spread a teaspoon of Miracle Whip on tar, rub, and
> wipe off.
>
> Soothe sunburn and windburn pain.
> Use Miracle Whip as a skin cream.
>
> Remove dead skin.
> Rub a dab of Miracle Whip into your skin and let it
> for dry a few minutes. While the skin is moist
> massage with your fingertips. Dead skin will rub off
> your feet, knees, elbows, or face.
>
> Remove chewing gum from hair.
> Rub a dollop of Miracle Whip into the chewing gum.
>
>
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> This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:
>
> >> Irene, good luck and keep in touch!
> >> Jude, this isn't goodbye..yet
> >> Ann and Dabney, I am thankful for you - and
> Miracle Whip
> >> Saumya, thanks for checking in with me during my
> spin cycle
>
>
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>
> Free Will Astrology
> Horoscopes for week of December 4, 2003
> By Rob Brezsny
> © 1995-2003, Rob Brezsny
> www.freewillastrology.com
>
>
> Aries (March 21-April 19)
>
> British performance artist Mark McGowan was offended
> by the widespread international mockery of his
> country's cuisine. In protest, he decided to express
> his pride by turning himself into an English
> breakfast. A store near London let him live in the
> front window for 12 days, during which time he sat
> in a vat of baked beans with a crown of sausages on
> his head and a deep-fried potato wedge lodged in
> each nostril. In the coming week, Aries, the
> astrological omens suggest you should be as bold and
> imaginative as McGowan in support of your own pet
> cause.
>
>
> Taurus (April 20-May 20)
>
> If typical, you will make love about 2,500 times in
> your lifetime. But maybe only 25 of those encounters
> will offer this week's blend of physical rapture and
> spiritual breakthrough. I'm not exaggerating,
> Taurus. The cosmos is inviting you to be the
> recipient of a mind-expanding peak experience or
> two. To take maximum advantage, be as innocent and
> open as you dare. Find the place in you where lust
> and compassion overlap. (P.S. You don't necessarily
> need a partner to enjoy these gifts. If you're
> single, shed any shame you have about solo sex and
> explore its mysteries.)
>
>
> Gemini (May 21-June 20)
>
> Every poll I've seen asserts that far more women
> than men make use of astrology. It was only a matter
> of time before macho dudes discovered this and
> sought to exploit it. One such guy is Gemini Pat
> Burrell, a baseball player for the Philadelphia
> Phillies. In an interview in a men's magazine, he
> marveled at how much success he'd had on first dates
> by talking about horoscopes. In the coming weeks,
> his experience will apply to you -- only more so. No
> matter what gender or sexual preference you are,
> discussing astrology will be a surefire way to
> advance romance. For that matter, initiating
> conversations about any subject that gives a mythic
> flavor to intimate matters will stimulate the flow
> of sexy vibes. You might want to check out Skymates:
> Love, Sex and Evolutionary Astrology, by Jodie and
> Steven Forrest.
>
>
> Cancer (June 21-July 22)
>
> I'm worried you'll suffer an attack of shyness or
> modesty this week. Instead of pushing to get exactly
> what you want, you might dream up lame excuses to
> explain to yourself why it's OK if you don't get
> exactly what you want. Or you may be satisfied too
> easily and retreat to your hiding place before fate
> has a chance to bestow the fullness of its
> unexpected blessings on you. Please fight off this
> trend, Cancerian. Give your inner wimp a dozen roses
> and send your inner warrior out to collect your just
> deserts.
>
>
> Leo (July 23-August 22)
>
> Pop quiz! 1. You are so attractive these days that
> you risk rousing the envy of people whose support
> you need. True or false? 2. You now have the ability
> to change the weather merely by wiggling your
> eyebrows or wrinkling your nose. True or false? 3.
> Since you are so exceptionally fertile -- with an
> equal power to supercharge the growth of beautiful
> blooms and nasty weeds -- you will have to be very
> discriminating about where you point your mojo. True
> or false? 4. You are unusually susceptible to being
> manipulated through flattery. True or false?
>
> Virgo (August 23-September 22)
>
> The Chilean Congress has recently considered a bill
> that would mandate afternoon siestas for all
> workers. As a nap activist who has lobbied long and
> hard for everyone to get more dream time, I cheered
> this revolutionary proposal. Now I'm asking you,
> Virgo, to join me in the struggle to gain even more
> sleepers' rights. What specific action can you take?
> For starters, spend more time asleep and dreaming in
> the coming week than you ever have -- and don't let
> any workaholic, sleep-deprived cranky-head shame you
> for it. Your productivity will rise; I guarantee it.
> (P.S. The astrological moment is also ripe for you
> to rise up against the tyranny of Type A
> overachievers who think everyone should be as
> addicted to stress as they are.)
>
>
> Libra (September 23-October 22)
>
> Octopuses have eyes that can focus on two different
> scenes simultaneously. In some species one eye is
> specialized to see things in the murky depths while
> the other eye concentrates on sights in sunlit
> waters. I suggest you make this creature your power
> animal in the coming week. To keep apprised of the
> complex plots that will be unfolding around you in
> every direction, you will need the equivalent of the
> octopus's vision.
>
>
> Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
>
> For a mere $99.95, I could remove the curse you're
> suffering from. But I'd feel bad about taking your
> money when you could get rid of the damn thing
> yourself. In fact, why don't you do just that, and
> send yourself a check for $99.95? Here's all you
> have to do. Step one: Visualize an object that
> symbolizes the accursed influence. Picture yourself
> throwing it into a furnace. Step two: Visualize the
> person you feel is most responsible for the curse.
> Imagine that one end of a rope is tied around your
> waist and the other end around the person. Picture
> yourself cutting through the rope with a chainsaw as
> you call out, "You have no friggin' power over me!"
> Step three: Repeat steps one and two twice a day for
> 11 days. Step four: On the eleventh day, laugh so
> long and hard that you fall on the floor and cry
> tears of joyful release.
>
>
> Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
>
> Master astrologer Steven Forrest believes you
> Sagittarians often thrive on learning things the
> hard way. I agree. Here are my three explanations of
> why this is so. 1. One of your main tasks in life is
> to cultivate wisdom, and you'll never accomplish
> that if everything comes too easily for you. 2. To
> maintain your mental hygiene, you need to push
> regularly into the unknown, where the rules for
> success are as yet unwritten. 3. You are sometimes
> susceptible to being dogmatic, which can interfere
> with your ability to discern simple, obvious,
> up-to-the-minute truths. To shock you out of your
> tunnel vision, your higher self needs to trick you
> into making interesting mistakes.
>
>
> Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
>
> "Slashing through undergrowth and counting poop is
> an expensive, time-consuming, dirty, hot, and nasty
> business," said Dr. Richard Ruggiero of the African
> Elephant Conservation Fund. Quoted by Andrew Revkin
> in the New York Times, he was talking about studying
> forest elephants that are threatened with
> extinction. But I immediately thought of you when I
> read that, Capricorn. It's a good metaphor for
> what's happening in your life. An important and
> beautiful aspect of your animal nature is in peril,
> and the only way to save it may be for you to do
> work that fits Ruggiero's description.
>
>
> Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
>
> Psychotherapy obsesses on what's wrong with people
> and gives short shrift to what's right. The manual
> of the profession is a 943-page text called the
> DSM-IV that identifies scores of pathological states
> but no healthy ones. I often complain about this
> tragic fact and ask my readers to help me compile
> material for a proposed Anti-DSM-IV, a compendium of
> all the positive, noble, feel-good categories. One
> reader, Alka Bhargava, has suggested a condition
> that you Aquarians will be able to achieve regularly
> this week. He calls it "Joyful Poignance," and
> describes it like this: "The ability to be buoyantly
> joyful while remaining aware of the sadness,
> injustices, ancient wounds, and future fears that
> form the challenges in an examined life."
>
>
> Pisces (February 19-March 20)
>
> You might enjoy Pearl Cleage's novel Some Things I
> Never Thought I'd Do. It's got soulful characters, a
> strong social consciousness, and a dramatic mix of
> suffering and redemption. But you don't have to read
> the book to carry out the advice in this week's
> horoscope. All you have to do is write your own
> personal version of "Some Things I Never Thought I'd
> Do" -- a two-page stream-of-consciousness essay is
> fine -- and then go out and start actually doing the
> things you've described therein.
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