Rules of NYC Etiquette by Michelle Park:
Chapter IX: BUSES
1) When waiting for a bus, stay in a line and do not cut that line. If you see someone cut the line, feel free to tell that person that there is a line. Sometimes, people are just stupid and don't notice. If they ignore you, feel free to mutter a loud rude comment about them.
2) Do not stand on the curb while waiting for the bus. The bus is a large, fast, heavy beast and if you have the misfortune to be clipped or run over by one because you were standing on the curb, then that's your own damn fault. Always stand at least 2 feetaway from the curb to avoid fatality (This alsoa pplies to intersections -- see chapter VIII: Walking in NYC).
3) Always have your Metrocard or fare ready before you get on the bus. If you are not ready, let others get on the bus before you do.
4) If the bus is crowded, move to the very BACK of the bus. There is ALWAYS room at the back of the bus and sometimes even a seat. Usually, though, there is a tiny sliver of a seat, usually between two people who feel that they need much more room than other people do.
5) If you must stand in the middle of the crowded bus and not move to the back, then be ready to be yelled at and jostled. That's your punishment and NYers have every right to make mean comments about you, unless you are a parent and need to stay near your seated child.
6) Children do not deserve seats. Old, disabled orpregnant people deserve seats. Not children.
7) Do not use your cell phone in public. Refrain from conversations about your stock trading or what you did last night. No one cares. We hate you for talking so loud.
8) Your bags do not deserve a seat either.
9) Always let people off the bus. The more you delay them, the longer you will be on the bus. Be ready to be stepped on. That just goes with the territory of being on a crowded bus. It doesn't do you any good to gripe about it either.
10) Do not talk loudly or carry a loud conversation on the bus: other passengers do not care that you think your child is the brightest thing on the planet. We think he is a rude child that was never taught by you to talk about and point at strangers.
11) Feel free to scream "BACK DOOR" if the bus' back doors do not open.
12) When pressed forcefully, the yellow tape on the back doors open the doors automatically.
13) Do not sigh loudly or act annoyed if a disabled person in a wheelchair gets on board. They have just as much right if not more to be on that bus.
14) Do not eat on the bus -- that's just gross.
15) Say hello and goodbye to the bus driver. S/hemay not respond to you, but it is the polite thing todo.
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PLUG:This Saturday, November 9, ASPCA will be at the Central Park bandshell from 11-4, showcasing some very adoptable dogs and cats. I will be there, doghandling as usual. So if you are interested ingetting a pet, come on by!
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This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:
>> Kim, thinking of you
>> Lori, thanks
>> Michelle E., doing headstands in your office were the highlight of that job
>> Mike, Jen and Graham, thanks for hosting the animals
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