DAMMIT – just spent the last 30 minutes typing up a particularly witty
essay and then forgot to save. DAMN. So all I have now is:
Witty, witty, witty, bon mot, bon mot, snarky, snarky, snarky.
Not so good.
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ROAD RULES
I think it is time to refresh everyone's memory about the rules of the
road. Since we humans have created automobiles, bicycles, and other
methods of modern transportation,* I believe that we all need a
reminder about what is appropriate on the roads today.
Basically, there is a chain of command on the roads that I think we
have all forgotten. So here is a reminder:
PEDESTRIANS:
Pedestrians beat nothing. People walking on the street are considered
fair fodder on the road. And they are stupid enough to think they are
the kings of the road. Most pedestrians really do think that they can
beat an oncoming vehicle. They also think that it is the oncoming
vehicle's responsibility to see them and not hit them. Yeah, right.
You know that the passenger in that oncoming vehicle is daring the
driver to hit you for 10 points.
A car is a mass of metal, fiberglass, glass, and other things
automotive and weighs more than 2,300 lbs. Now, a moving car has the
laws of momentum and other physics mumbo jumbo on its side. Yet,
people every day test their luck against a moving vehicle. I once saw
a woman try to scamper across an intersection. She did not have right
of way, but that didn't stop her. She darted into an oncoming vehicle
and the car's brakes screeched to a stop. She stood in the middle of
the street, like a deer caught in headlights, and then scampered
across the street. So idiotic.
And even if you have right of way, you don't have right of way. Many
a person has tried to cross the street and almost got sideswiped by a
turning vehicle.
So remember: A pedestrian is the lowest form of being on the road.
CARS:
Now, when most people get behind the wheel of a car, they become
crazed egomaniacs and think they are the Kings of the Road. Well,
they aren't. Drivers of cars can run over small animals and
pedestrians, intentionally and unintentionally. However, trucks,
18-wheelers/semis, those vehicles that carry gas and other things can
run over cars anytime they want. And large farm animals, deer and elk
will definitely impede the average car from moving from point a to
point b.
Also, cars can go fast, but just because they can doesn't mean they
should. Sure, you can speed through Montana, Wyoming, North and South
Dakota and most of Nevada, but that's only because there are not
enough humans living there. However, just because there is no one on
the road, doesn't mean there is no one on the road. For example, I
went 80 mph down a 35 mph road in Austin, TX. I thought no one was
there. Well, a cop was hiding in the brush. Luckily, I started
hysterically crying and he let me go with a warning. But YOU may not
be so lucky. So drive carefully.
TRUCKS/SEMIS/VERY LARGE VEHICLES:
Trucks, semis and other ridiculously large vehicles generally rule the
road. Why? Because they are huge, have very poor visibility and wide
turning paths. Do you think that an 18-wheeler is going to care that
you are in the lane? Of course not! The truck driver is going to go
wherever the hell he wants to go. He has the huge motor, sheer bulk
weight and some major physics in his favor. I don't even think a deer
would hurt a semi. It may impede it for a short period of time, but I
can't imagine that it would stop it from its destination.
So, to quickly recap: Trucks and semis beat cars. Deer and elk beat
cars. Cars beat pedestrians. Pedestrians beat no one.
Now, the real King of the Road is Nature. The smallest squirrel can
wreak the worst havoc on the road. Deer and elk have been previous
mentioned, but other large farm animals do create incredible speed
bumps. Also, you can't beat hail, hurricanes, snow, ice, and other
weather-related traumas.
So, be careful out there. Wear your seatbelt. Look both ways before
you cross the street.
*Humans did domesticate donkeys and elephants for transportation, but
I think for our purposes here, we shall stick to cars, etc.
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This week's horoscopes go out to:
Carey, Steven and Jennifer Q.
The Marthas
Sandy
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