CORRECTION: In my last email, I implied that Cheryl Cortez Johnson married Dan Cohn. In fact, she did not marry Dan Cohn.
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So what happened in Florida? Well, first, my parents have lived in their house for more than 26 years. In those 26 years, they threw nothing out. Well, they threw some things out, but they did save a lot of stuff. Recently they decided to buy a house in Orlando and move there to retire. (Yes, retire in Orlando. It baffles me as well)
The end result is I get the great privilege to clean out the house. So when I went home to Jacksonville recently, my family gave me the greatest gift of all: the opportunity to clean out the attic.
Attics, in general, are a scary, scary place. Growing up I refused to go up in the attic. I am sure it started because my brother told me that there was an ax murderer living up there. I am also sure it is because it was a hot, dusty, smelly place filled with pink insulation.
Most people in their right mind would never put stuff in an attic in FL. My parents however thought it was the perfect place to store stuff. Actually at one time, squirrels also thought that the attic was the perfect place to store stuff. A group of squirrels moved into the attic for a period of time, spawning little squirrels, leaving lots of dung balls and digging through the insulation.
Over the years, my parents threw boxes that they thought would come in handy into the attic. My Barbies and other toys went into the attic - with the thought that my kids would play with them. Folding chairs, beach chairs, life vests and really ugly paintings went into the attic.
When I went home to FL, my 3-year old nephew was also there and he wanted to go into the attic with me. He was very excited about it. He got out a flashlight and put on his shoes. He climbed up the rickety ladder and peeked his head into the attic. And then he quickly cried out that it was scary and he didn’t like it and he wanted to get down.
So no nephew to help (not that I expected him to help me clean out the insulation -filled, 115 degree attic. I am cruel, but not that cruel).
I don’t know if you are familiar with insulation but it is damn itchy stuff. It’s got lots of bad, bad things in it, especially insulation from the early 80s. I prepared by putting on a long sleeve Peter Maxx t-shirt that I wore in the 80s and a pair of royal blue rayon genie pants that have these weird paisley pattern on it. I wore white socks over the pants and plastic gloves. I was ready.
It was hell. It smelled. Mold had grown over stuff. It was hot. And there was a ton of stuff. My parents saved boxes for stuff that they no longer owned. My Barbies had melted together into one large Barbie. My Ken doll had a plastic Coke can stuck to his arm. The beach chairs, which had metal frames and that plastic weaving, now just had the metal frames. The plastic weaving biodegraded in the heat.
I tossed out boxes and boxes and bags of stuff from that attic. I dragged all of the crap onto the curb and hoped to the gods that the sanitation workers would take it all away. The trash actually took over half of the driveway.
On the morning of trash day, my mom and I hid out, away from the windows, waiting to hear the sounds of the garbage truck. The truck usually comes in the early morning, but that day, they were late. My mom and I didn’t want to leave the house until way after the garbage got hauled away. I was afraid that if the sanitation workers saw us, they would start hurling the attic trash at our heads. My mom wanted to go out there and give them cold Coca Colas for their trouble. In the end, we were too chicken to go outside. And the windows did not give us full view of what was going on.
Later, after the truck moved down the street, we dared to open the garage door and see the aftermath. And to our surprise, there was nothing left. They took it all. We were so happy that we left to celebrate by going to the post office (this is how senior citizen’s party).
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What else happened in FL? Well, I got bitten by bugs and I took my mom, sister in law and nephew to a place called Clark’s Fish Camp. It is in the middle of nowhere and it looks like a shed in the middle of the swamp. And it smells like a shed in the middle of a swamp. And inside there were animals. All sorts of stuffed animals. Not only animals from FL, but gazelles, zebras, flamingos, and other animals. All striking poses. Caught in angry stares. And they were all grouped above your head in the main dining room. And there were animals sounds piped in over the speaker system,. I was soooo creepy. My nephew was also scared of this place as well. And so was my sister in law. And so was my mother. But I thought the shrimp was good.
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This week’s horoscopes go out to:
Backscratchers
Carey and Steven
The Foodies who play mah jongg, I salute you
Happy Birthday, Saumya
Happy Graduation, Martha
Happy Finals, Lynn, Michelle and Young Mee
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