Mmmmm -- tangy! (12/3/03)

> Subject: Mmmmm -- tangy!
> Date: Wed, 3 Dec 2003 10:39:37 -0500
> From: "PARK, MICHELLE"
>
> Hey - my head has stopped spinning! No more
> vertigo/inner ear imbalance! Thanks to all for you
> support :-)
>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I was always a Hellman's (or Best, depending on
> which part of the US you are from) mayonnaise
> person. Your basic mayonnaise - nothing fancy, rich
> tasting, and a very white food. Loved it with
> sandwiches, especially bologna. Fantastic in an egg
> salad. Perfect in tuna. You get the drift. So, I
> was a very loyal Hellman's shopper. And I hated
> Miracle Whip. Thought it was just nasty. Weird
> tangy chemical aftertaste. Freaked me out the first
> time I had it. I think I spit the food out because
> it tasted like it was past its expiration date - but
> nope, turned out it was Miracle Whip.
>
> But things change. People get older, tastes mature.
> And then you have Thanksgiving and all of this
> leftover turkey and these tiny dinner rolls (you
> know the ones, the enriched flour rolls made with
> butter and tons of preservatives?) and a jar of
> Miracle Whip. So you try it. And you fall head
> over heels in love with Miracle Whip.
>
> So, now, I am a convert. I can't believe I like a
> product that has registered trademarked the phrase
> "Tangy Zip." Did you know that Mayonnaise adds 11
> grams of fat and 0% Tangy Zip® and Miracle Whip®
> adds 4 grams of fat and 100% Tangy Zip®?
>
> And not only is Miracle Whip® a great "salad
> dressing" (per the label) it also has other uses:
>
> You can make a Miracle Whip Cake!:
>
http://www.vtliving.com/recipes/desserts/miraclewhipcake.shtml
>
> From http://www.chefnoah.com/tips/miracle_whip.htm
> Personally, you can do this with mayonnaise as well,
> but I think it is funny that this guy is using
> MIRACLE WHIP for this stuff. He must be using
> gallon jugs of Miracle Whip. [Of course, what is
> not funny is that this guy's web site offers
> information for disaster and emergency preparedness
> - including bulk food storage and cooking, and
> general information about chemical warfare. EEK -
> can I find them or what?]
>
> Condition your hair.
> Apply one-half cup Miracle Whip to dry hair once a
> week as a conditioner. Leave on for thirty minutes,
> then rinse a few times before shampooing thoroughly.
>
> Remove a ring stuck on a finger.
> Smear on some Miracle Whip and slide the ring off.
>
> Give yourself a facial and tighten pores.
> Miracle Whip helps moisten dry skin when applied as
> a face mask. Wait twenty minutes, then wash it off
> with warm water followed by cold water. (Michelle's
> note: EUW)
>
> Remove white rings and spots from wood furniture.
> Wipe on Miracle Whip, let stand for an hour, wipe
> off, and polish the furniture.
>
> Remove tar.
> Spread a teaspoon of Miracle Whip on tar, rub, and
> wipe off.
>
> Soothe sunburn and windburn pain.
> Use Miracle Whip as a skin cream.
>
> Remove dead skin.
> Rub a dab of Miracle Whip into your skin and let it
> for dry a few minutes. While the skin is moist
> massage with your fingertips. Dead skin will rub off
> your feet, knees, elbows, or face.
>
> Remove chewing gum from hair.
> Rub a dollop of Miracle Whip into the chewing gum.
>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:
>
> >> Irene, good luck and keep in touch!
> >> Jude, this isn't goodbye..yet
> >> Ann and Dabney, I am thankful for you - and
> Miracle Whip
> >> Saumya, thanks for checking in with me during my
> spin cycle
>
>
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Free Will Astrology
> Horoscopes for week of December 4, 2003
> By Rob Brezsny
> © 1995-2003, Rob Brezsny
> www.freewillastrology.com
>
>
> Aries (March 21-April 19)
>
> British performance artist Mark McGowan was offended
> by the widespread international mockery of his
> country's cuisine. In protest, he decided to express
> his pride by turning himself into an English
> breakfast. A store near London let him live in the
> front window for 12 days, during which time he sat
> in a vat of baked beans with a crown of sausages on
> his head and a deep-fried potato wedge lodged in
> each nostril. In the coming week, Aries, the
> astrological omens suggest you should be as bold and
> imaginative as McGowan in support of your own pet
> cause.
>
>
> Taurus (April 20-May 20)
>
> If typical, you will make love about 2,500 times in
> your lifetime. But maybe only 25 of those encounters
> will offer this week's blend of physical rapture and
> spiritual breakthrough. I'm not exaggerating,
> Taurus. The cosmos is inviting you to be the
> recipient of a mind-expanding peak experience or
> two. To take maximum advantage, be as innocent and
> open as you dare. Find the place in you where lust
> and compassion overlap. (P.S. You don't necessarily
> need a partner to enjoy these gifts. If you're
> single, shed any shame you have about solo sex and
> explore its mysteries.)
>
>
> Gemini (May 21-June 20)
>
> Every poll I've seen asserts that far more women
> than men make use of astrology. It was only a matter
> of time before macho dudes discovered this and
> sought to exploit it. One such guy is Gemini Pat
> Burrell, a baseball player for the Philadelphia
> Phillies. In an interview in a men's magazine, he
> marveled at how much success he'd had on first dates
> by talking about horoscopes. In the coming weeks,
> his experience will apply to you -- only more so. No
> matter what gender or sexual preference you are,
> discussing astrology will be a surefire way to
> advance romance. For that matter, initiating
> conversations about any subject that gives a mythic
> flavor to intimate matters will stimulate the flow
> of sexy vibes. You might want to check out Skymates:
> Love, Sex and Evolutionary Astrology, by Jodie and
> Steven Forrest.
>
>
> Cancer (June 21-July 22)
>
> I'm worried you'll suffer an attack of shyness or
> modesty this week. Instead of pushing to get exactly
> what you want, you might dream up lame excuses to
> explain to yourself why it's OK if you don't get
> exactly what you want. Or you may be satisfied too
> easily and retreat to your hiding place before fate
> has a chance to bestow the fullness of its
> unexpected blessings on you. Please fight off this
> trend, Cancerian. Give your inner wimp a dozen roses
> and send your inner warrior out to collect your just
> deserts.
>
>
> Leo (July 23-August 22)
>
> Pop quiz! 1. You are so attractive these days that
> you risk rousing the envy of people whose support
> you need. True or false? 2. You now have the ability
> to change the weather merely by wiggling your
> eyebrows or wrinkling your nose. True or false? 3.
> Since you are so exceptionally fertile -- with an
> equal power to supercharge the growth of beautiful
> blooms and nasty weeds -- you will have to be very
> discriminating about where you point your mojo. True
> or false? 4. You are unusually susceptible to being
> manipulated through flattery. True or false?
>
> Virgo (August 23-September 22)
>
> The Chilean Congress has recently considered a bill
> that would mandate afternoon siestas for all
> workers. As a nap activist who has lobbied long and
> hard for everyone to get more dream time, I cheered
> this revolutionary proposal. Now I'm asking you,
> Virgo, to join me in the struggle to gain even more
> sleepers' rights. What specific action can you take?
> For starters, spend more time asleep and dreaming in
> the coming week than you ever have -- and don't let
> any workaholic, sleep-deprived cranky-head shame you
> for it. Your productivity will rise; I guarantee it.
> (P.S. The astrological moment is also ripe for you
> to rise up against the tyranny of Type A
> overachievers who think everyone should be as
> addicted to stress as they are.)
>
>
> Libra (September 23-October 22)
>
> Octopuses have eyes that can focus on two different
> scenes simultaneously. In some species one eye is
> specialized to see things in the murky depths while
> the other eye concentrates on sights in sunlit
> waters. I suggest you make this creature your power
> animal in the coming week. To keep apprised of the
> complex plots that will be unfolding around you in
> every direction, you will need the equivalent of the
> octopus's vision.
>
>
> Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
>
> For a mere $99.95, I could remove the curse you're
> suffering from. But I'd feel bad about taking your
> money when you could get rid of the damn thing
> yourself. In fact, why don't you do just that, and
> send yourself a check for $99.95? Here's all you
> have to do. Step one: Visualize an object that
> symbolizes the accursed influence. Picture yourself
> throwing it into a furnace. Step two: Visualize the
> person you feel is most responsible for the curse.
> Imagine that one end of a rope is tied around your
> waist and the other end around the person. Picture
> yourself cutting through the rope with a chainsaw as
> you call out, "You have no friggin' power over me!"
> Step three: Repeat steps one and two twice a day for
> 11 days. Step four: On the eleventh day, laugh so
> long and hard that you fall on the floor and cry
> tears of joyful release.
>
>
> Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
>
> Master astrologer Steven Forrest believes you
> Sagittarians often thrive on learning things the
> hard way. I agree. Here are my three explanations of
> why this is so. 1. One of your main tasks in life is
> to cultivate wisdom, and you'll never accomplish
> that if everything comes too easily for you. 2. To
> maintain your mental hygiene, you need to push
> regularly into the unknown, where the rules for
> success are as yet unwritten. 3. You are sometimes
> susceptible to being dogmatic, which can interfere
> with your ability to discern simple, obvious,
> up-to-the-minute truths. To shock you out of your
> tunnel vision, your higher self needs to trick you
> into making interesting mistakes.
>
>
> Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
>
> "Slashing through undergrowth and counting poop is
> an expensive, time-consuming, dirty, hot, and nasty
> business," said Dr. Richard Ruggiero of the African
> Elephant Conservation Fund. Quoted by Andrew Revkin
> in the New York Times, he was talking about studying
> forest elephants that are threatened with
> extinction. But I immediately thought of you when I
> read that, Capricorn. It's a good metaphor for
> what's happening in your life. An important and
> beautiful aspect of your animal nature is in peril,
> and the only way to save it may be for you to do
> work that fits Ruggiero's description.
>
>
> Aquarius (January 20- February 18)
>
> Psychotherapy obsesses on what's wrong with people
> and gives short shrift to what's right. The manual
> of the profession is a 943-page text called the
> DSM-IV that identifies scores of pathological states
> but no healthy ones. I often complain about this
> tragic fact and ask my readers to help me compile
> material for a proposed Anti-DSM-IV, a compendium of
> all the positive, noble, feel-good categories. One
> reader, Alka Bhargava, has suggested a condition
> that you Aquarians will be able to achieve regularly
> this week. He calls it "Joyful Poignance," and
> describes it like this: "The ability to be buoyantly
> joyful while remaining aware of the sadness,
> injustices, ancient wounds, and future fears that
> form the challenges in an examined life."
>
>
> Pisces (February 19-March 20)
>
> You might enjoy Pearl Cleage's novel Some Things I
> Never Thought I'd Do. It's got soulful characters, a
> strong social consciousness, and a dramatic mix of
> suffering and redemption. But you don't have to read
> the book to carry out the advice in this week's
> horoscope. All you have to do is write your own
> personal version of "Some Things I Never Thought I'd
> Do" -- a two-page stream-of-consciousness essay is
> fine -- and then go out and start actually doing the
> things you've described therein.

TAX FREE HOROSCOPES! (8/23/03)

Oops - about to let another Wednesday go without a horoscope. With quitting smoking, my brain is finally coming out of the fog. But it’s been a very, very slow process. I don’t wish this process on anyone, well, anyone who doesn’t smoke. If you do smoke, do consider quitting. Although TERRIBLY hard, once you succeed, you won’t regret it.
However, if you don’t want to quit, then don’t. I don’t think anyone can force someone who smokes to quit. That person has to be damn well ready to quit.

========================
So, last week I asked the following:
It’s 3 AM, you hear gun shots outside. Would you leave your apartment/house and find out what is going on? Would you stay inside your house and call the police? Would you even wake up? I am curious. Please let me know.

Some of you answered:
-- NO I will to run down 5 flights in the wee hours of the morning to check out some action on the gritty street of the crack central. -- No, will not go out to check activity. likely to gawk from a safe window, or gawk at the site 3 days later!
-- If I heard gunshots outside at 3 am, I would look out my window and see if I could see anything. If I could see the trouble, I would definitely call 911. Otherwise, I would take my cell phone and go outside, cautiously. And then call 911 as I applied pressure to the bleeding person’s wound. :-)
I tend to be the kind of person who stops and gets out of her car to help at
an accident-if there aren’t already police or other a bunch of other people
helping. Or if a woman or family or decent looking guy is broken down on
the side of the road, I stop to offer my cell phone. Geez I sound like a
goody-goody. And I guess I kinda am. I like the feeling of helping
someone; it makes my own troubles seem less significant. But really it’s
that I like to be where the action is. I like the rush of crisis. So
there you go.
-- Running out into a gun battle without a gun -foolishness.

My answer: I would sleep through the whole thing. Once, when I lived in Greenpoint (Brooklyn) above the Greenpoint stop on the G train, I woke up to find my roommate dragging herself around the kitchen. She looked like she hadn’t slept a wink. I asked her what was wrong and she said to me incredulously, “You didn’t hear the gunshots and commotion last night?” Nope. I sleep like a log. A giant sequoia with moss all over it. Turns out that there were gunshots in the subway around 1 AM and then cops and ambulances and fire trucks showed up outside out door. Or window really. We lived on the second floor.
And I didn’t hear a thing.

========================
This week’s horoscopes go out to:
> The sun, for coming out and giving us one nice weekend this summer. It
was glorious.
> Ertischek, great seeing you
> Mark, thanks for the book!
> Mars, I want to be close to you, just you and nobody else but you!
> SUNITA AND GREG!!!! 4 MORE DAYS, 4 MORE DAYS!!!!! (They are getting
married on Sunday)

========================
Note: If you ever plan on sending me something, please do not send it to my home address, but rather my work address. As I have no doorman or super (i.e., I am very, very low on the NYC housing totem pole. I am a couple of levels shy of living in a cardboard box. Actually, I do live in a square-ish shaped apartment, but at least mine is in Manhattan, thus keeping me a little higher on the unreal estate scale), large mail is attempted, but usually is sent back to the sender. Now, this is not a plea for presents :) or a plea for empty boxes to be mailed to me. But just a note to let you know that I live in a place where I can’t get mail.Another note: just in case you don’t know, I changed jobs a year ago. If you need my new work phone/address, please let me know.

I love tomatoes (8/20/03)

I was talking to my Friendster Jeeyun (yes, I am a member of Friendster. It’s FUN) and she told me a tale of how someone she knows will run outside or look out the window if this person hears activity (such as sirens or shouts or gun shots) outside. Doesn’t matter what time of day it is—this person will go outside, down 5 flights of stairs, to see what is going on. One time, this person walked a couple of blocks to see a fire being put out.


This was in the middle of the night.


Now, I find this unusual behavior, but Jeeyun knows another person who heard gun shots one night and then went outside to see what was going on. There was a gun fight between some gangs and one person died. And Jeeyun’s friend saw this.


What would you have done? It’s 3 AM, you hear gun shots outside. Would you leave your apartment/house and find out what is going on? Would you stay inside your house and call the police? Would you even wake up? I am curious. Please let me know.

============================
I have been smoke free for five days! Congratulate me!

============================
This week’s horoscopes go out to:
>> ELECTRICITY
>> Mike, Jen and Graham
>> Jeeyun
>> Irene, Maggie, Jude, May, Kimeka
>> Carey and Steven
>> Michelle E.
>> Mark
>> Lori
>> Francine & Lynda
>> Ann & Dabney

I'm special, sooooo special..... (8/13/03)

Someone you know is turning 31 on Friday. She is quite pleased about this, but not jump up and down happy (see story below). However, time is relative and relatives are good in small doses. So, let's sing me the birthday song:
1...2...3...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU (MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU (MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MICHELLE (MEEEEEEEEEEEEE)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU (MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE)


:-)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:

>> Mark - try and stay cool in London. Obviously the gods took someone seriously when they prayed for the rain to stop
>> Ertischek - congratulations on the condo!
>> Sandy - good luck with the painting!
>> Lori - thanks for the ring - Wonder Twin powers activate!
>> Lynn - Go, Lynn, Go, Mini-Tri Queen!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I tried this new exercise thing yesterday at my gym (yes, I actually worked out). It's called Urban Rebound. Basically it's aerobics on a mini-trampoline. The instructor was this tiny, cute, little compact girl.

She wasn't skinny small, more Tonka truck hard, really. Sort of scary cute. You know she was the captain of her cheerleading squad, smiling widely on top of the human pyramid or being tossed high in the air by big bulky guys who joined the squad to get chicks or there wasn't a gymnastics team at their high school so they joined cheerleading. She seemed to be the kind who would be encouraging one minute and in the next shouting "GO TEAM" in a terrifying roar.

Anyway, she assured me that the class would be easy on my knee (I have a bad knee - I don't know why, but one day, it hurt and then it got worse. Turns out I have a luxating patella. It's an injury that small dogs usually get), but a little hard to get used to. Of course, she said, go at your own pace. Which you know is license for me to slack off.

Well, you would think that bouncing on a mini-trampoline would be fairly easy. Well, you're wrong. It's quite intense as you are bouncing (not too high up, mind you. Your head is to stay level while your legs do this continually squatting jump), kicking your legs this way and that and flinging your arms this way and that. And then there are these intense short sprints where you go triple time. Well, other people went triple time. I went a little faster. I didn't keep in time with the music or the instructor or anyone else in the room. I was creating moves that no one else was or should be doing. I went at my own pace, laughing all the way.

Everyone was so serious. They were concentrating really hard on all of the actions and pushing themselves to be stronger and faster. But what made it all funny is that we were all on little trampolines, bouncing, bouncing, bouncing. It was an intensely funny thing to watch.
I had a great time. I kept my own pace through the whole thing, sweating buckets all the way. The person next to me said it takes 3-5 classes to get the motions. I am going again. Why not? It's fun jumping on a trampoline.

I need to move to the equator (8/6/03)

> The New York Times
> August 5, 2003
> And the Forecast Is . . .
> By MICHAEL RUBINER
>
>
> Wednesday in New York : Rain. Heavy at times. Followed by periods of
> precipitation.
>
> Thursday : Lingering showers throughout the day.
> Chance of rain 800 percent.
>
>
> Friday : Moist. Damp. Sodden.
>
> Saturday : Rainish. Showery. Precipitacious.
>
> Sunday : Light rain followed by heavy rain followed
> by pouring.
>
> Monday : Unseasonably rainy in the morning.
> Uncharitably rainy in the
> afternoon. Unconscionably rainy in the evening.
>
> Tuesday : Endless showers broken up by occasional
> flooding.
>
> Wednesday : Remember “Waterworld”? Like that, only
> with more rain.
>
> Thursday : Not sunny. The opposite of sunny. Just
> forget about sunny, O.K.?
>
> Friday : Clearing just long enough for you to make
> weekend plans. Followed
> by obscene amounts of rain.
>
> Saturday : Take a wild guess.
>
> Sunday : Incessant, spirit-crushing rain. The kind
> of rain that makes it
> futile to get out of bed in the morning. The kind of
> rain that seems as if
> it will never end. And guess what? It never will.
> Ever. Do you understand?
>
> Monday : Please go away.
>
> Tuesday : Ample, brilliant sunshine throughout the
> day. Wait - did I say
> sunshine? I meant rain. Really hard rain.
>
>
>
> Michael Rubiner is a screenwriter.
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> -------
> My sentiments EXACTLY. We survived seven months of
> cold, gloomy weather -
> snow, sleet, rain, rain, rain. And then we had
> about 1.5 months of sun.
> Moderate sun, mind you. Nothing to write home
> about. Well, maybe one
> letter. I have to say, I was ecstatic that we had
> any sun at all. And now
> this. All up and down the East coast. Rain,
> clouds, peeks of sun, rain.
> And humidity. I and my hair just can’t take it
> anymore. We are delicate
> flowers!!!! My house plants which don’t get much
> sunlight in the first
> place are drooping (and yes, I did water them).
>
> You know, I was reading Time magazine this week
> (yes, I have started reading
> the rag and no, I haven’t sent Ethan, the winner of
> the haiku contest, my
> subscription yet) and there was an article about how
> major cities actually
> create rain and bad weather. The heat absorbed by
> the buildings, black tar
> roofs, cement walkways, etc., warms up the air by
> 1.5 degrees Fahrenheit
> (-16.944444444444446 degrees Celsius). The heat
> rises, makes clouds and
> rain, etc., etc. The article suggests that
> buildings should you light
> colored sun reflecting paint or insulation on their
> roofs. Personally, I
> think all city dwellers should begin wearing white
> to reflect the heat.
> White should be the new black.
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> -------
> Have you seen Spellbound? YOU SHOULD. Saumya
> Ramarao and I went to see it
> last Saturday and we both found it to be
> M-A-R-V-E-L-O-U-S and
> E-L-U-C-I-D-A-T-I-V-E. The movie tracks eight kids
> as they progress through
> regional spelling bees and make their way to the
> National Spelling Bee in
> Washington DC. These kids come from all sorts of
> backgrounds and cultures.
> Some put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed
> and others are pressured
> by their parents to succeed. Overall, the story
> really shows how kids in
> America survive. Definitely worth the $10 movie
> ticket price.
>
>
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

> This week’s horoscopes go out to:
>
> >> Saumya
> >> Carey
> >> Francine and Lynda
> >> Holly

Tip-toe through the hoo-hoos (7/30/03)

Have you been watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" on Bravo? It's onTuesday nights at 10 PM EST and it is a fantastic show. BravoTV.com > QueerEye for the Straight Guy<http://www.bravotv.com/Queer_Eye_for_the_Straight_Guy/> I see men in awhole new light now. For example, things you (men) should not wear at all:

1) Seen on 57th Street, NYC: good looking guy, wavy short blond hair, goodphysique. Problem? The brown leather bomber jacket AND the black leatherpants (WITH PLEATS!!!!). Ruined the whole picture.

2) Also seen on 57th Street, NYC: Man wearing a black t-shirt with thewriting: FBI: Female Body Inspector. Yeah, that's going to get a lot ofhoo-hoos.So wrong, so wrong.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

This week's horoscopes go out to:

>> Alex, Carey and Steven - good times

>> Jeeyun and John - good times

>> Sandy, congrats on the house and the job

>> Bob and Russell, have I told you lately that I love you?????

GREETINGS FROM FLORIDA (7/16/03)

HI ALL FROM JACKSONVILLE FLORIDA! I am here for thenext six days, ducking the mosquitoes and powershopping through the malls with my mom and dad. Spentan excellent couple of days with Annie Manubay and JenBrown in St. Petersburg. They actually got me out onthe golf course, which I thoroughly enjoyed, funnyenough. Of course, I didn't make it past the first 9,but 9 ain't half bad. Props to them. So, I hope you all have a good week and will talk toyou soon!

=========================
This week's horoscopes go out to:
>> Lance Armstrong in the Tour de France, by EricRayvid -- Eric gently reminded me that Lance iscycling to defend his yellow jersey for the fifthtime. Right now, he is in 45th place, but thatdoesn't mean anything at this point.
>> Jen Park, glad you like the shirt
>> Annie Manubay, Happy Birthday!

Scratch this! (7/10/03)

I know I have mentioned this before, but I strongly urge you to register tovote. If you know you are going to be away for the 2004 PresidentialElections, then make sure you have applied for your absentee ballot. Youcan register at: www.beavoter.org <http://www.beavoter.org> . So get outthere and make a difference!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I just want to thank everyone who is on this newsletter list for yourenthusiasm and warm thoughts. From the haiku contest, I felt the love! Itruly did. I got a lot of great responses from you and it makes me veryhappy that you are all out there and some of you actually read this! That'sgreat :-) So, this week's horoscopes are dedicated to YOU.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

This week's horoscopes also are dedicated to:

>> I was in lovely Maine this weekend for a wedding (Hey Todd and Sally!)and I got eaten ALIVE by mosquitoes. I wonder whether my blood is justtastier to them. Mosquitoes are seriously evil creatures. Vampires of thesky. I want to thank everyone who gave me anti-itch ointments and generalsupport through my ordeal.

>> Mike, Jen and Graham, for a lovely dinner

>> HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ALEX!

>> HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY GOBI!

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK!

>> HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!

Wocka-doo, wocka-doo, wocka-doo [HAIKU WINNERS] (7/02/03)

NOTE: MY APOLOGIES IF YOU HAVE RECEIVED THIS EMAIL TWICE.

=====================================

AND NOW THE RESULTS OF THEUNIVERSAL AMERICAN GRAND NATIONAL HAIKU CONTEST #2

FIVE TIE FOR SECOND PLACE

Listed in alphabetical order by first name:

Idle or Idol

Blue light shines on glazed pupils

Hypnotized by box

By Ann Manubay & Dabney Frake, Boston, MA

Comments:Yes! Death to television!

I like the focus on a type of media, and not a particular outlet

Damn you all to hell

Dubya, Cheney, and your pals.

Christian? Right. Should pray.

By Dan Cohn ("Pluto"), Washington, DC

Comments:Excellent!

The Fox News Channel:

blonde, lip-glossed, botox bimbos.

(Real Journalism)

By Erin Elizabeth Smith & Antonio Carlos DeFeo, Pelham Manor, NY

Comments:Yes!

Don't they all have blond bimbos?

Since when is blond spelled with an e?

Holy war, our way

Teaching patriotic hate,

Xenophobes have won

By Jonathan Bell, Los Angeles, CA

Comments:Ditto

Newspaper Headline:

Jayson Blair-Sign of the Times?

Leaves Black on our Hands.

By Nichole Peterson, San Diego, CA

Comments:

That is magnificent.

Ouch.

And now, for the winner....Drum roll please...This year's winner of the "Why I hate (or dislike) the media" haiku contest,who is not only the second winner ever of this contest, but also coincidentally married to the first ever winner of this contest, is......

THE WINNER, ETHAN DECKER!

Plane crash, seven dead

Pipe bomb, deadly virus, rape

Next: doggy salons

By Ethan Decker, Boulder, CO

Comments:

Clever

Excellent imitation of today's media

++++++++++++++++++++++

Michelle Park's comments:

First I would like to say thank you to everyone who submitted haikus and allof those who pointedly told me that they weren't creative enough or hadenough time to write a haiku. I would like everyone to know that althoughthere were a couple of songwriters in the contest, there were no haikumasters. Well, I take that back, there were a couple of haiku masters, butnobody who is a professional.

Second, I want to say, even though Ethan is married to Kim, the first winnerof the Grand Master Championship haiku contest (note: the first contest'stheme was poultry), there was no nepotism here because I didn't vote. Andneither of the judges knows either Ethan or Kim.

Which leads me to my third point: Enormously large hearted thanks to theHaiku Judges, Masters of their Universes, King and Queen of their owncastles and both literary scholars at heart and in profession:

Professor X

Goddess of Power

++++++++++++++++++++++

AND NOW FOR SOME HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Now, these haikus did reasonably well and rated highly with some of thejudges. So, I thought I might share them with you:

My expectations

drop gently like snow amid

season replacements.

(By Mark)

J. Lo J. Lo J

Ben A. Ben A. Ben A. Ben

Oh, why do I care?

(By Ann & Dabney)

P3n!5 3nLARG3m3nt\

Nekk1d FarM G1rl L5 h0T 4 U

Ju5t OHhhhp3n th15 Ma1L

(By Mike, my brother. I am so PROUD!)

++++++++++++++++++++++

This week's horoscopes go out to:

Michelle Ertischek, thanks for judging

Bob Madison, thanks for judging (FYI: Bob has launched Dinoship, Inc., apublishing and entertainment company specializing in science fiction,fantasy, children's books, graphic novels and wonder products. Dinoship'sbooks and products have one purpose: to create a sense of wonder. Check itout: www.dinoship.com

Sally and Todd - goin' to the chapel and we're goin' getmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarried!

Lori and Audrey - can't wait for the drive up to Maine!

Kitty and Henry - can't wait to see you guys!

Saumya and Neena, thanks for helping me pick out my salwar kameez

Alex, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY

Francine and Lynda, thanks for lending me the sewing machine

Mark, your emails light up my life, they give me hope, to carry on!

Breathing is so underrated (6/25/2003)

So, I have bronchitis again. Therefore, I am going to take smoking cessation course called Smokenders to quit. I was successful for one year after that class. Of course, getting seriously angry made me relapse, but that's okay. This time I will work on quitting smoking and anger
management. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Please feel free to send me encouraging notes for the next two months while I go through this process. I will be successful again, dammit!

***************************
My friend Lynn is very funny; she sent me an email with the header:
"Oh My God, it's the sun!" She notes: I hope you're feeling better! And able to enjoy that big yellow thing that's been in the sky for 2 days in a row - I think they use to call it the sun. :o)

Thankfully, she reminded me what it was. I stared at the orb for a couple of minutes trying to figure out what that warmth-giving light was. And then I burned my corneas. They tell me it is still sunny out.

***************************
I have figured out what one major wrong thing in today's world. Yes, war, pestilence, hunger, they are all the things wrong in this world, but let's face it. War, pestilence, hunger and a lot of other bad things have been around since the beginning of time. What is wrong with TODAY's world is this: too many remote controls. We are in a modern age, the cutting edge of technology. The human race has made more technological advances in the past two hundred years than, well, ever. BUT we as a species can't work together (hence, the war, pestilence, hunger, et. al.) and make the technology work...

Hmm, I guess I shouldn't be surprised that we have too many remote controls. Since humans are egotistical and can't get along with one another, it makes sense that there are no universal remotes that will accommodate my TVs, VCR, DVD, stereo, and now, my air conditioner. If we can't centralize a measuring system (Isn't everyone else using metric? Or beans?), than how can I expect the electronics industry to make their products use some universal technology that will allow everything to be plugged into one remote system? I know that there are people out there who can centralize the remote system into one LCD screened remote (if you have seen the Osbournes, then you have seen Ozzy fight with that remote over and over again. BTW, did you see this week's episode? The new BMW Ozzy purchased uses voice recognition technology, but since Ozzy slurs his words, the car keeps asking him to repeat himself. Now, that's good TV), but that's too cost-prohibitive.

You know, the more I write, the more flaws I see in my logic. But what is surprising is that I refuse to go back and edit this. I am too lazy to go back and edit this essay to make sense. Which, you know, is also another flaw in the human race. That and electronics.

***************************
This week's horoscopes go out to:

>> The miracle of sewing
>> Harry Potter - I just got my book!
>> US Postal Service - for delivering my book
>> Mike, Jen and Graham, good luck in FL!
>> Sally, Audrey, Christer, Robin, Zoe - good times :-) See you in MAINE
>> Sandy, the house owner
>> Manisha - I spoke to Kate last night and found out - YOU'RE HAVING A BABY!

There is a man with a ladder poking his head into the ceiling tiles. I wonder what he is up to... (6/11/2003)

Sorry this is a short one - thought up a great topic last night, but didn't write it down and forget what it was this morning. Oops. Lesson learned.

===================
The weather has been such a bitch this year. Cold and gray for six months straight and now it's sunny one day and gray and raining the next. Multiple personality disorder weather. At least it's not 40 degrees F in the day time. I guess we should all be thankful for small mercies.

===================
http://www.petoffice.co.jp/catprin/english/
I am really amazed at what people do in their spare time. Check out this web site - haute couture for cats.

===================
Quick announcement: I don't remember my cell phone voice mail password;
therefore, if you called and left me a message last week, I am sorry I never called you back. Note to everyone: if you think of calling me on my cell, please do not leave a message :-) And please do not send me an email telling me how I can get my password. I know how to get my password. I just don't want to get it.

===================
HAIKUS Update: They are still being reviewed by the judges (and no, I am not telling you who the judges are).

===================
This week's horoscopes go out to:

>> Gillian and Lynn, who leave in August for new adventures (and to Lynn again for going to Italy for a year! Come si dice "house guest" in Italiano?)
>> SunAe and her friends Matt and Lee, excellent picnic!

Happy brithday, happy birthday! (6/5/2003)

Thank you to all of you who submitted haikus. You are all very creative and inventive people. I am a little surprised how you stretched the word media into all sorts of directions. Which is exactly how I planned it. Excellent (I am channeling Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons"). Anyway, you should all hear very soon re: the winners. I am not judging, but some of my
close, personal friends are. So bribes are welcome.

*********************************************
I am dedicating this week's horoscopes to my brother, Dr. Mike, renowned vascular surgeon at Columbia. If you ever need something vascular worked on (deep vein thrombosis, carotid artery stenosis, gangrene, etc.), he's your man.

My brother and I used to fight all them time. The entire neighborhood could hear us yelling obscenities to each other from the time we were children. We finally grew out of it and now we are good friends. Of course, he has this bad habit of looking at some new electronic device of mine and saying,"You don't need that, do you?" But that's what brothers are for. I will always cherish those wrestling matches, water fights and his scaring me with stories of ax murderers loose in the neighborhood (and of course, the ax was "missing" from our garage). Ahh, good times.

So here's to you, my brother! Happy Birthday!

Love, your sis

Bring out your haikus! (5/28/2003)

Last call for haikus: all haikus are due to girlladyfriend@XXXX.XXX by June 3, 2003. Submit as many haikus as you want! Guidelines below:

++++++++++++++++++++++++
[guidelines deleted]

----------------------------------------------
This week's horoscopes go out to:

>> Mike, Jen and Graham, thanks for the hospitality
>> Carey and Steven, thanks for the hospitality
>> Alex, welcome back to the Big Apple
>> Michelle E., thanks for the support

Haiku, Haiku, my wonderful Haikus... (5/21/2003)

YOU HAVE ONLY 14 DAYS LEFT TO SUBMIT YOUR HAIKUS!!!!!

Now, for those who have forgotten what this contest is about:

SEND THEM TO: girlladyfriend@XXXX.XXX

THEME: Why I Hate (Some) Media

REMEMBER: 5-7-5 metric format

FOR INSPIRATION:
>> Spamhaiku.com http://www.spamhaiku.com/spamhaiku/site/index.html
-- a site dedicated to Spam, a worthy luncheon meat.
>> One person's version of haiku http://www.toyomasu.com/haiku/
but still interesting
>> iSciFiStory.com
http://www.iscifistory.com/scifaku/elements/periodichaiku.asp
--
This site has a Periodic Table of Haiku. However, please note that they do not use the tradition 5-7-5 haiku format. And to be eligible in this contest, you must use the 5-7-5 format.
>> Haiku Movie Reviews http://www.igs.net/~mtr/haiku-reviews/
Quite brilliant

**********************************************
The following haiku is from Barbara, who had her physics final last
Friday. So nonetheless, hating the media was not top of mind. But despite her
F=m*a craziness, she wrote a physics haiku:

Gravity pulls me,
Textbook equals mass times thought.
When is vacation?

I believe this applies to all my friends who are experiencing or have
finished exam hell. Good luck to you all!

**********************************************
My co-worked, Mary Alice, is going to New Zealand. And if that isn't cool enough, she is going to Zorb. What is Zorbing? Check out this link. www.zorb.com Well, for those not on a DSL, I will give you the dictionary definition of Zorbing (they say it is in the Concise OED, but I don't know whether I believe that or not): (n) a sport in which a participant is secured insidean inner capsule in a large, transparent ball, which is then rolled around the ground or downhill. Origin 1990s: invented word from zorb (the name of the ball used in this activity).

Now, I want go Zorbing too - but it's not in the US yet. Anyone else wanna go with me to another country to try Zorbing?

**********************************************
This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:

Lori -- HI
Steven - HI
Nichole - HI

WHERE ARE YOUR HAIKUS??????? (5/15/2003)

SEND THEM TO: girlladyfriend@XXXXX.XXX

THEME: Why I Hate (Some) Media

REMEMBER: 5-7-5 metric format

++++++++++++++
This week's horoscopes go out to:
Jen, Mike and Graham -- thanks for dinner AGAIN
Bob, Russell and Steven -- let's not see a movie at 10 AM again
Sunita and Audrey -- Chennai was great -- let's do it again
Eileen -- I haven't seen you since New Year's -- where the hell have you been?
Kate, Jeff and Abby -- I am thinking of you and your new visitor! Let's call him Gallahad.
Cassie -- for truly inspiration haiku, you are spunk.

Calling All Haiku Masters! (5-7-2003)

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Avast ye scurvy dogs! (4/30/2003)

AHOY thar! I forgot to send this out. My brain has been in a fog all week.
Not sure why.
************
I am thinking of starting a contest. And this time there really is a prize. More later.
************
Read The Eyre Affair - I loved it!!!
************
This week's horoscopes go out to Jen, Mike and Graham - thanks!

sigh (4/23/2003)

Ok - I succumbed. I turned off my TV for the ninth annual TV-Turnoff Week, April 21-27. The Week is promoted nationally by TV-Turnoff Network, a nonprofit organization. Of course, this group is most probably funded by religious organizations as a guise to bring their opinions mainstream. But who cares - I could use with turning off the TV for a week.

I know, you are thinking - Michelle won't make it. Well, I have. Of course, that doesn't mean I have stopped watching TV. Actually, I am taping everything to watch it this weekend. I know, it's supposed to be for the entire week. Well, my shows are only on Mon-Thurs and Sunday. So IN MY MIND, it's okay to watch everything I taped this weekend as long as I don't watch TV from Mon-Thurs and Sunday.

============================

This week's horoscopes go out to:

>> Mike, Jen and Graham
>> Sally and Todd, great to see you last weekend!
>> Audrey, the bridal shower hostess with the most-ess
>> Ann & Dabney, great seeing you for 24 hours!

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

I have a migraine.
___________________________________________

So I took the Dragon Coach USA http://www.ivymedia.com/dragoncoachusa/
, just one of the Chinatown buses, to Washington, DC, to visit my friend Michelle Ertischek and to see the cherry blossoms. Michelle E. is great, loving DC and the cherry blossoms are beautiful. If you ever get a chance to be in DC in time for the blossoms, go see it!

Well, I know that a lot of people (ok, my sister-in-law Jen) want to know what the Chinatown bus is like (I should explain: there are buses that only travel between Chinatowns in different cities. On the East Coast, there are buses that go between Chinatowns in Boston, New York and DC). I have now traveled on two to Boston and one roundtrip to DC. My first experiences were a little treacherous. It was on the Fung Wah
http://www.fungwahbus.com/ or
http://www.ivymedia.com/fungwah/
bus.
$20 one way. The bus picks up and drops off in NYC at the really big Buddhist Temple off of the Manhattan Bridge entrance/exit. I went early on a week day morning; so traffic was busy, but the corner was pretty empty. The first "bus" I rode on was actually one of those short buses that you see for the rental car agencies at the airport. Usually a couple of minutes on one of those are fine. But a 4.5 hour ride to Boston is another story ENTIRELY. Those buses have no shocks. So we experienced every pot hole between here and Boston. And let me tell you, there are a lot of potholes between these two cities.

The second time I rode the Chinatown bus was on the Sunshine Travel
http://www.sunshineboston.com/bustours/ct2bosnyc/
or http://www.ivymedia.com/sunshine/ buses. This bus picked up in a very busy part of town. However, there was no sign telling me which bus was where. Very non-descript. I finally figured out what was going on and waited with all of the other people for the bus. When the time came, the person taking the tickets started pushing us to another corner around the block. We all were a little freaked out by this. We had no idea where we were going. And it was dark! However, at the other corner, the bus was waiting for us.

Now, I knew that this bus was a full size Greyhound like bus. I saw it on the road when I was on the Fung Wah bus. However, what I didn't realize at the time was that this bus, although it does go to Boston, stops mid-way at Mohegan Sun. Now, Mohegan Sun isn't really on the way. However, what did I care? $20 one way! There were a lot of Chinese people on the bus (There weren't any Chinese people on the Fung Wah bus, but I think that they knew that the short bus wasn't worth the ride). I would say that there were 70% Chinese and 30% Other on the bus. Sunshine definitely was geared toward their major clientele as they had Chinese soap operas with no English subtitles televised over the tiny, little tv screens. What was funny was when we got to Mohegan Sun (oh, I should explain. For those who don't know, Mohegan Sun is a casino run by the Mohegan Tribe, also known as the Wolf People. Well, the Wolf People have made a very nice resort and a great museum on Native American culture and, did you know, a radio station called The Wolf), almost all of the Chinese people got off the bus. It was amusing to see the bus empty out so quickly. I am not sure whether they were there to work or gamble, but either way, they all were in a hurry.

Since the first two times were just okay, I thought, why not take it to DC.

So I took the Dragon Coach (how cliché). This time, I didn't know what size bus I was going to get, but luck would have it, I got the big bus. However, when I got to the pickup/dropoff location, there were three buses - for three different bus vendors going to DC, Philly and somewhere in PA.

So, it took a little bit of sleuthing, but I got on the right bus to DC. It was actually an enjoyable trip. The bus didn't stop at a casino (it did stop for a rest stop and in Baltimore - I think the actual bus station in Baltimore) and there were Chinese movies with English subtitles. I got to see "Hero," a Zhang Yi Mou Film. I am not sure if it is even playing in the US now. It was really good. Short on dialogue, Big on action. And the sets and costumes were amazing. Basically a Hong Kong action film, but classy. It was a good trip. So worth the roundtrip cost of $35!!!!!!!!! On the return, there was no movie, but that was okay - I was passed out
anyway.

___________________________________________

This week's horoscopes go out to:

> Mark, get well soon!
> Michelle E., thanks for the great weekend!
> Russell and Bob, welcome back!
> Pluto, sorry I didn't call!

New and Improved!

I have been barraged by magazines lately. I traded in my United miles for magazines and I renewed my People subscription AND subscribed to this new magazine called Budget Living. I have to say I was trying REALLY hard not to renew the People subscription. It's so expensive. But I couldn't hold back. I was going through entertainment/gossip/trash withdrawal. But now, not only do I get more gossip than I can take, I now get Time magazine, which - let's face it - is the biggest gossip rag around. If it wasn't for the fact that they put a scary picture on the cover each week, it would be People magazine. They chew up information and spit it out into little bite size pieces of pabulum for us to eat. Of course, they don't have pretty pictures of Oscar night - instead they have pretty pictures of Bush and Cheney. Regardless, People and Time are the same - Time just doesn't have the guts to admit what it really is: trash.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
ARGH!!!!! I am meeting with my accountant today and I forgot all of my tax forms at home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of space, out of mind (3/27/2003)

You know, in my mind, I sent this email out. I even had a witty comment to make about NYC, but I forgot it and to send this out. Next time.

*******************************************************
This week's horoscopes go out to:

> Ann, what would I do if I didn't know what you ate for lunch today?
> Jen and Graham, what a long strange trip it was. Let's do it again.
> Mom and Dad, thanks for only mentioning getting married once in four days.
> Bob and Russell, I hope Venice wasn't too wet!
> Kate and Abby, it was so great seeing you!

Grey skies are going to clear up! (3/19/2003)

ANAL ALERT:

So, have you started hoarding duct tape, can goods and batteries? Personally, I think that all of these items should be staples in every home in America anyway (except for the duct tape. It seems to me that you either need lots of rolls of duct tape for a project or you will never use it at all). Maybe because I grew up in a state where hurricanes are known to blow through four months out of twelve. We always had a hurricane/emergency kit of sorts at home. So, I guess I find it strange that people are running out now to get flashlights and radios. Isn't it common sense to have candles, can goods and a can opener at home? I can understand if you don't have plastic sheeting (or if you do, no judgments here), but can goods? Come on! Of course, I probably think this way because I am anal. But you wait and see - who are you going to call in case of an emergency? That's right...

*****************************************
I leave for Florida tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (3-14-2003)

Hi all - sorry for the lateness. As some of you know from my bellyaching, I have been out sick with a stomach virus. So, officially, I have been sick for SIX WEEKS. For those who are counting (and there will be prizes*), I have had Revenge from Mexico, bronchitis and this virus. I don't think I can take more of these body fluid issues. And this past illness is the first time in a while that I projectile vomited. I know, I share too much - but I share, because I CARE. :-) The body is amazing though. It doesn't want something, it tries damn hard to get rid of it. And it gives you warning signs along the way too. I could elaborate, but I have shared
too much.

=========================
This week's horoscopes go out to:

Michelle E, bon voyage!
Mike and Jen, thanks for answering the phone!

Are those your feet hanging out the window? (3-5-2003)

Rain, rain, stay all day,
We want winter to go away
It's warmer when there is spray
So rain, rain, stay all day

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I now officially hate table tennis and ping pong balls. And AOL.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:

>> Sunita, Happy Belated Birthday!
>> Lori, Congratulations on running the LA Marathon!
>> Michelle E., thanks for listening
>> Jen B., have a good flight and bon chance!

What happened to global warming? (2-26-2003)

I have bronchitis.

****************************************************
From Mike C., an interesting article. I have felt like duct taping some of the people in my neighborhood, in my neighborhood...

Judge duct tapes defendant's mouth
Man 'was being very disruptive'
From CNN.COM
http://www.cnn.com/2003/US/Southwest/02/26/taped.defendant.ap/index.html


LUBBOCK, Texas (AP) --A Texas judge ordered a defendant's mouth to be
taped shut after the man kept interrupting his lawyer and the judge during an
aggravated assault trial.

For about 20 minutes Tuesday, Carl Wiley, 36, ignored pleas from state
District Judge Jim Bob Darnell and his own mother to keep quiet during
a hearing outside the jury's presence.

Finally, Darnell ordered bailiffs to seal Wiley's mouth with duct tape.

"He was being very disruptive and he was trying to fire his second
court-appointed attorney, and I informed him that when the attorney is
appointed by the court, only the court can fire the attorney," Darnell
said.

"Mr. Wiley continued to interrupt him," Darnell said, referring to
attorney Steve Hamilton, "so the court duct-taped his mouth until the jury came
in. Then I had him removed from the courtroom."

Hamilton declined to comment on the incident or on his client's
conviction later Tuesday for ramming his vehicle into his estranged wife's car.
She was not injured.

No sentencing date has been set.

****************************************************
This week's horoscopes go out to:
>> Caitlyn, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
>> Audrey, HAPPY BIRTHDAY
>> JeeYun, Sun Ae, thanks for dinner
>> Irene, thanks for dinner

Ah, sweet of mystery of life, at last I've found thee! (2/19/2003)

***************************************************************************
Love Me, Love My ****

You know, while I was in Mexico, I found out that I am anal. And I
don't mean that to be a pun on the Montezuma's Revenge. I have never
realized that I can be fiendishly picky about certain things. I always thought
I was a laid back kind of person. Live and let live, let the chips fall
where they may. But my friends pointed out to me that I am anal. Now, they
didn't mean it in a malicious way and they were sort of sorry to point
it out to me, but I am glad they did. It does prey on my mind, as Bob and
Russell know. However, I don't think it is something to be ashamed of,
nor do I think that I need to change my anal qualities (Sidebar: Did you
know that the slang "anal" does not translate into Mexican Spanish? It's
true). So, for the record, I am going to let all of you know what my anal
qualities are (or at least the top 10). Many of you know these things about me,
others have yet to enjoy the special-ness.

1) I wash my hands before I eat, after I eat, when I get somewhere
new, when I am about to leave somewhere to go somewhere else, when I am
about to touch food - well, basically all the time.

2) I do have a germ-phobia. I carry antibacterial Wet Ones in my
purse.

3) I put two pillowcases on each pillow, as well as a pillow case
cover on my pillows. I also put a mattress pad and two fitted sheets on my bed.
This is my germ barrier.

4) Most times, I pack several days in advance of a trip. This
includes putting my clothes and under things in my Travel Space Bags
(http://www.myspacebag.com/ ) as well as a
well-stocked medicine bag (the bag is a Ziploc bag). Again, protective
barrier.

5) I always bring my Japanese wash towel. It's made of this fibrous
tough plastic mesh that really does slough off dead skin cells. I really
don't feel clean unless I have that with me.

6) I don't like sharing drinks.

7) If you need it, I might have it in my purse. Really, this is true.

8) I cannot wear most clothes twice.

9) I smoke, but I hate the smell of smoke, especially on my hands (see
No. 1).

10) I wash my hair everyday because I hate the smell of smoke and fear
that it is in my hair (see No. 9) - all the time.


Now to counteract my analness, here is my free-wheeling-devil-may-care
side:

1) I like sharing food - most of the time.

2) I mop maybe once every two months. Vacuum maybe every three
months.

3) I barely ever dust.

4) I have no organizational skills and it really doesn't bother me
that much. Sure I complain about it, but if I did care, I would clean out my
closet, as well as the junk that takes up all of the space underneath
my bed and couch, etc.

5) I have a hard time taking out the trash.

6) I sometimes keep butts in my ashtray for a week.

7) I will keep food in the fridge forever, despite its edibility.

8) I do eat food that has fallen on my floor, unless it is something
gooey like pasta with sauce. And sometimes food that has fallen on a
countertop other than the one in my home (again, not the gooey stuff).

9) I do wear my jeans regularly for at least two weeks before I wash
them.

10) I don't care how other people live their lives unless they are
harming themselves or I am feeling the need to share my analness with others.

***************************************************************************
It's nice to know that Jedis are out there and making their vote count.

Census proves the force of Christianity
The London Telegraph
By Jonathan Petre, Religion Correspondent
(Filed: 14/02/2003)


Most people in England and Wales - 71.1 per cent - still regard
themselves as Christians, the first official count of religious affiliation has
found.

Despite the sharp decline in churchgoing and the growth of secularism,
37.3 million described their religion as Christianity, according to the 2001
Census published yesterday.

The census, the first to ask a question on religion, confirmed Islam as
the second largest faith, with 1.54 million (3.1 per cent).

It also recorded 552,000 Hindus (1.1 per cent), 329,000 Sikhs (0.6 per
cent), 260,000 Jews (0.5), 144,000 Buddhists (0.3) and 150,000 (0.3)
from other religions.

Just over four million refused to answer the question, which was
voluntary, and 7.7 million (14.8) said they had no religion.

Though most of the figures were broadly in line with previous
estimates, the census produced some surprises.

The North East emerged as the most Christian region of the country,
although it has one of the lowest rates of church attendance. The North West
districts of St Helens, Wigan and Copeland had the highest proportions
of Christians (86 per cent or more).

Even more unexpectedly Norwich in Norfolk, which once boasted having
one church for every week of the year, was the least devout place,
recording the highest proportion of people of no religion (27.8 per cent). It was
followed by Brighton and Hove, and Cambridge.

The Bishop of Norwich, the Rt Rev Graham James, said: "Norwich has a
higher than average level of church attendance. So, if it is the least
religious place in the country, it has an odd way of showing it.

"Plainly there is still plenty of scope for further mission but I
suspect that what affects the statistics is that Norwich, unlike many cities,
has only a very small representation of other faiths."

Brighton also surfaced as the spiritual home of an unlikely movement
which can now claim more adherents than the Sikhs, Jews or Buddhists - the
Jedi Knights.

Star Wars devotees were encouraged by an internet campaign to register
themselves as Jedi, intergalactic warriors able to harness a mysterious
energy field called the Force, under the misapprehension that, if more
than 10,000 did, it would be recognised as an official religion.

Despite the efforts of census officials to counter the campaign,
390,000 people (0.7 per cent), mostly in university towns, gave their religion
as Jedi.

Len Cook, the Registrar General for England and Wales, said they had
been categorised among those who said they had no religion.

"I suspect this was a decision which will not be challenged greatly,"
he said. "I think there are other reasons why something should be classed
as a religion, rather than a group of people getting together on the
internet."

The highest proportion of Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists and Jews is in
London, with 36.4 per cent of the borough of Tower Hamlets describing
themselves as Muslim. However Sikhs are most highly concentrated in Slough.

Despite the number calling themselves Christian, only about 11 per cent
now go to church at least once a month.

The Bishop of Lichfield, the Rt Rev Keith Sutton, said: "These figures
prove as a lie the claims by the National Secular Society and others that
England is no longer a Christian country.

"But welcome as they are, they are a wake-up call to Christian
leadership. While the Christian faith remains relevant to the majority of society,
the Church is clearly no longer seen as important."

***********************************************
This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:

>> Duct Tape, will its wonders never cease?
>> Sandy, congratulations on your first REAL job!
>> Graham, hey! You can walk!

Movin right along (Digga-dug Digga-Dug) (2/12/2003)

The Westminster Dog Show 2003
By Michelle Park

So many dogs, so many proud dog owners, handlers, and people who just
love dogs. SO MANY. It really was an amazing event. I was at the
Westminster Dog Show volunteering with the ASPCA. They were hosting an information
table, passing out important information about caring for dogs and what
the ASPCA does. Even though I was there because of the organization, my
REAL reason for going was to see the dogs.

The dogs were immaculate. They were well-groomed, with their toes
clipped, hairs cut, anal glands expressed (if you don't know what this is, you
don't want to know). They were also incredibly well-behaved. You know they
are just supposed to be, but these dogs are INCREDIBLY well-behaved. If it
wasn't for the fact that there were dogs and people wearing dog
paraphernalia, you would never know that it was a dog show. The dogs
never said a word. The people on the other hand were very loud.

The dogs who were being judged that day had to be there all day. So
each dog had a bench, where their crate and other important items stayed.
The other important items not only included grooming care, bedding, toys,
etc., but also scrapbooks of photos from previous shows, paperwork certifying
their championship status, and even theme banners. Some crates even
had little fans attached or heating blankets (although, they weren't
necessary as the entire place was overheated).

And the types of dogs! I only showed up for the second day as I was
still feeling under the weather on the first. Therefore I missed the judging
for Working, Terrier, Toy, and Non-Sporting Groups. But I was there for
the Sporting, Hound and Herding Groups. The dogs from these groups are
quite large. Lots of spaniels, hounds and collies. And so many different
breeds. Personally, I can't tell the difference between a Curly-coated
retriever and a Chesapeake Bay retriever, but there were LOTS of people who could
tell the difference. However, regardless of the breed, I loved them all.

Now for the people. If you have seen Best in Show, then you know the
parodies of the dog people in the Dog Show business (If you haven't
seen the movie, then rent it - one of the best films out there). Well, I can
tell you now that those parodies are not that far off from reality. There
were the uptight, well-dressed types who were super anal and VERY snobbish
about their dogs to the 300 dog pins wearing large ladies who really
shouldn't be wearing their American Flag leggings. And I don't know about you but I
have always wondered who bought the shirts with air-brushed art of dogs.
Well wonder no more. It's these people.

What I also noticed about the people hanging about the crates, chatting
like it was a cocktail party or a hoe-down, was that they all seem to know
each other. This is a tight band of people. They know that their love of
dogs is at a level that most people would consider insane or obsessed - but
here, they are accepted.

All in all - it was a dog love fest. A dog orgy of sorts. I had a
great time. I didn't stay for the evening judging of Best in Group and Best
in Show (the tickets we got through the ASPCA were free, which also meant
bad seats), but I enjoyed hanging out, meeting the people, petting the
dogs, and overall having a good time.

PHOTOS: If you are interested in seeing pictures, please email me at
mpark@popcouncil.org. I have them in a PowerPoint format, which not
everyone can see.

*****************************************************
This week's horoscopes are dedicated to:
>> Jen Brown, Happy Birthday!
>> Carey, Happy Birthday!